I have been struggling with the direction of this blog. I initially thought I would talk exclusively about BJJ and yoga but then I started to realize just how much was going on in my life that did not include those two things....interesting stuff too. So maybe this post is not about nothing but rather about something different.
Today, much like any other day of the work week, I marvel over how much I love working in the school system acting as a fitness coach. I especially love working with elementary school kids because they are "so not the drama".
I have had my fair share of this boy likes that girl scenarios but I can say with full confidence that it's truly innocent. Its a blessing when the most frustrating thing is that all the kids want to be so close to you and each other that no one gets any space. I work out in Gadsden County, Florida...there is no reason for anyone to be all up under anyone else with all that space to yourself.
I may be getting off topic a little bit despite not fully knowing what my point is. I guess I just wanted to write something to express my gratitude for the little things. That's all.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
On: Progressing In BJJ
I was up early this morning studying and thinking about stuff to write about. I don't want to let another day go by where I don't blog or this will become a blog of embarrassing anecdotes about me. That wouldn't be too bad but only God knows what stories my wife will come up with.
Anyways, without getting too far off topic, I was up early perusing Sherdog when I came across a post about progressing quicker. I immediately thought, "this would be a good subject to talk about".
There are tons of articles on how to progress at this thing or that thing but to the individual what is most important is their definition of progress. For starters, I believe many people who come to BJJ wanting to progress quickly also have grandiose ideas about becoming a world champion, fighting UFC or running their own school. I will not begrudge them their grandiose ideas because I too had similar goals and have a have to an extent met all of them.
"To an extent" is not where my goals end though. I still keep those dreams alive because if I let go of them, I would feel like there is no more room for progress. For me, progress had to start with a small concept like better side control escapes and then evolve into larger ideas like running my own school. Lets be honest, you'd be hard pressed to find a BJJ school where the instructor had weak side control escapes. To this day, I strive to improve my escapes despite being a purple belt and having 6 years of training under my belt. Even with all of that, I see room to grow and that is the beauty of BJJ...there is always room to grow.
I have an 8 pronged approach to progressing. This is based off attributes from different players that I have seen over the years...And you thought it would be based on science, HA!! Wanna hear it, here it goes:
GO TO CLASS
There is no replacement for learning from an actual source of knowledge and in my opinion, that source should be an actual person. They don't have to be a black belt but they have to be competent and be able to move you fro point A to point B. I have no hard and fast rule on how often a person needs to go in order to improve but I know for a fact that you have to show up and show up with an open mind. I currently train twice a week due to work after training nearly 4 times a week and I am able to see the same results. How is that possible? I show up to class with a plan. Sometime I make it up when I show up but I have an idea of something I want to do better and try to do that thing.
ASK QUESTIONS (EVEN DUMB ONES)
Let me preface this with the following disclaimer...you might not want to go to your head instructor with all your questions, at least not all your dumb ones but DO ask them...ALL OF THEM. When I first started training, I had tons of questions but I was (and still am to a certain extent) shy and introverted so I looked at all the experience in my gym and went to all of them for advice. For me this took bravery and a lot of pride swallowing but I figured the worst thing that could happen is they'd tell me to leave them alone. So after asking everyone I looked to as a source of information, I came back with tons of answers...all of them different. What I realized is that my growth (read: progression) is ultimately up to me. They all told me what works for them. I had to figure out what worked for me. This sort of jumbled hodgepodge of information worked well for me because my brain (and my life) are highly disorganized but they both make sense for me. For the next person, if you need to take all that information and file it and catalog it, do that.
STUDY
BJJ is just like any other subject you take in school. You have to study to become really good at it. My advice here is simple and what worked for me. I keep a BJJ journal to jot down some things I might not remember later like a detail about a technique. I also write about how I felt rolling with different individuals. I don't just write about the physical aspects of training, I write about my emotional state of mind while training, my fears and anxieties. All of this is designed to give me information about myself at a later time and learn how to work around my deficiencies. I also study film like a football coach. I watch my matches or other guys matches to see how things really work. I especially like watching purple and brown belt matches because those guys really go for it...they fight for the submission. They also make mistakes which is good for me to see. I encourage all wishing to progress in BJJ to watch a lot of game film as well as instructional videos. There is a wealth of knowledge out there that's not in your school.
MAKE TRAINING A PRIORITY
From what I have noticed, the people who improve are the ones who make training a priority. This can be easy for some but is often difficult for most. I understand fully how life can get in the way and by no means am I suggestion anyone should shirk their responsibilities to go train...that's just plain dumb. My point is if training is important to you, you will find a way to do it even with life trying desperately to make other things seem more important. I lost my job this past May and once my wife and I figured out how and where we were going to cut cost (at that point we were both out of work), my thoughts turned to, "How am I going to pay for training""? Long story short, I talked to the right people and found a way to work it out while I looked for work. The moral of the story is, you will do whatever is necessary to keep the things you want.
DON’T REST ON YOUR GOD GIVEN ATTRIBUTES
This is a tough one for most people. Sparring in BJJ is can be exercise in crisis management. When in crisis, most people fall back on the things that make them comfortable such as size, speed, strength or flexibility. In no way am I saying you should use technique and technique alone…some techniques require that you reach into your attribute bag and pull something out in order for it to work. In this instance, I am recommending that in training, you be what you’re not. If you are a big(ger) guy like me, use more finesse or movement rather than just sitting your weight on people and waiting for the mistake. I had a guy tell me to roll like a little guy. He didn’t explain what he meant so I thought he meant move a lot. I did just that and figured out there was a lot of offense to be had in the transitions game. This epiphany took my game to a new level at that time. It’s difficult to be what you are not. It takes practice and requires that your ego be checked at the door. You will spend some time being successful but you will spend your fair share of time being frustrated as well. Anyone looking to progress should be ready for and accustomed to this.
HAVE PATIENCE
This is one of the most important variables when determining progress or not. It’s very simple; the one with patience will succeed (read: progress), the one without it will quit. BJJ is a humbling sport especially for people who are used to doing things a few times and being successful at it. Progress without patience is an exercise in futility. All successful BJJ practitioners will tell you that you have to take the highs with the lows. My preferred method is to ride the highs for as long as I can milking the success for as long as possible. For instance, if I am on a high, I will pull out new stuff and experiment looking for the next thing I want to add to my tool box. During the lows, I hunker down and do more problem solving. For instance, if my side control escapes aren’t working like they used to, I go back to Day 1 basics, reassess how I’m moving, examine if the timing is right and determine what path to go down to correct the problem. I also look for systemic issues in my game. If my side control escapes are not working, it also means my guard is getting passed (which happens to be the root cause)…I take time and re-examine how to work my guard as well. I may experiment less during a low but the end result is the same. I usually come away with a fresh perspective which adds up to progress for me.
PAY ATTENTION TO DETAIL
This is another big one. I don’t think I’ll spend a lot of time on this. The guys who get better quick have a better grasp of the minute details. If you are having trouble with remembering details, refer back to steps 2 and 3. They will help you get your details straight.
HAVE FUN
The aspect often overlooked in the never ending quest to progress in BJJ is how vital it is to everyone’s development that they have fun with training. If training ever became a chore to me, I would stop training for a while. Studies show that people learn more when they are having fun in their learning environment. I may have just made that up but I know this theory holds true for me. When I have been in fun, nurturing training environments, I showed the most growth. When was stuck in a less than ideal training situation, my progress began to stagnate. My rule of thumb is, “If I don’t leave with a smile, I am doing something wrong".
I could probably write out more bullet points but I already feel like I have bogged you down with a lot of words and my fingers are tired. Stop reading, go somewhere and train, and let me know if you leave feeling like this guy
Anyways, without getting too far off topic, I was up early perusing Sherdog when I came across a post about progressing quicker. I immediately thought, "this would be a good subject to talk about".
There are tons of articles on how to progress at this thing or that thing but to the individual what is most important is their definition of progress. For starters, I believe many people who come to BJJ wanting to progress quickly also have grandiose ideas about becoming a world champion, fighting UFC or running their own school. I will not begrudge them their grandiose ideas because I too had similar goals and have a have to an extent met all of them.
"To an extent" is not where my goals end though. I still keep those dreams alive because if I let go of them, I would feel like there is no more room for progress. For me, progress had to start with a small concept like better side control escapes and then evolve into larger ideas like running my own school. Lets be honest, you'd be hard pressed to find a BJJ school where the instructor had weak side control escapes. To this day, I strive to improve my escapes despite being a purple belt and having 6 years of training under my belt. Even with all of that, I see room to grow and that is the beauty of BJJ...there is always room to grow.
I have an 8 pronged approach to progressing. This is based off attributes from different players that I have seen over the years...And you thought it would be based on science, HA!! Wanna hear it, here it goes:
GO TO CLASS
There is no replacement for learning from an actual source of knowledge and in my opinion, that source should be an actual person. They don't have to be a black belt but they have to be competent and be able to move you fro point A to point B. I have no hard and fast rule on how often a person needs to go in order to improve but I know for a fact that you have to show up and show up with an open mind. I currently train twice a week due to work after training nearly 4 times a week and I am able to see the same results. How is that possible? I show up to class with a plan. Sometime I make it up when I show up but I have an idea of something I want to do better and try to do that thing.
ASK QUESTIONS (EVEN DUMB ONES)
Let me preface this with the following disclaimer...you might not want to go to your head instructor with all your questions, at least not all your dumb ones but DO ask them...ALL OF THEM. When I first started training, I had tons of questions but I was (and still am to a certain extent) shy and introverted so I looked at all the experience in my gym and went to all of them for advice. For me this took bravery and a lot of pride swallowing but I figured the worst thing that could happen is they'd tell me to leave them alone. So after asking everyone I looked to as a source of information, I came back with tons of answers...all of them different. What I realized is that my growth (read: progression) is ultimately up to me. They all told me what works for them. I had to figure out what worked for me. This sort of jumbled hodgepodge of information worked well for me because my brain (and my life) are highly disorganized but they both make sense for me. For the next person, if you need to take all that information and file it and catalog it, do that.
STUDY
BJJ is just like any other subject you take in school. You have to study to become really good at it. My advice here is simple and what worked for me. I keep a BJJ journal to jot down some things I might not remember later like a detail about a technique. I also write about how I felt rolling with different individuals. I don't just write about the physical aspects of training, I write about my emotional state of mind while training, my fears and anxieties. All of this is designed to give me information about myself at a later time and learn how to work around my deficiencies. I also study film like a football coach. I watch my matches or other guys matches to see how things really work. I especially like watching purple and brown belt matches because those guys really go for it...they fight for the submission. They also make mistakes which is good for me to see. I encourage all wishing to progress in BJJ to watch a lot of game film as well as instructional videos. There is a wealth of knowledge out there that's not in your school.
MAKE TRAINING A PRIORITY
From what I have noticed, the people who improve are the ones who make training a priority. This can be easy for some but is often difficult for most. I understand fully how life can get in the way and by no means am I suggestion anyone should shirk their responsibilities to go train...that's just plain dumb. My point is if training is important to you, you will find a way to do it even with life trying desperately to make other things seem more important. I lost my job this past May and once my wife and I figured out how and where we were going to cut cost (at that point we were both out of work), my thoughts turned to, "How am I going to pay for training""? Long story short, I talked to the right people and found a way to work it out while I looked for work. The moral of the story is, you will do whatever is necessary to keep the things you want.
DON’T REST ON YOUR GOD GIVEN ATTRIBUTES
This is a tough one for most people. Sparring in BJJ is can be exercise in crisis management. When in crisis, most people fall back on the things that make them comfortable such as size, speed, strength or flexibility. In no way am I saying you should use technique and technique alone…some techniques require that you reach into your attribute bag and pull something out in order for it to work. In this instance, I am recommending that in training, you be what you’re not. If you are a big(ger) guy like me, use more finesse or movement rather than just sitting your weight on people and waiting for the mistake. I had a guy tell me to roll like a little guy. He didn’t explain what he meant so I thought he meant move a lot. I did just that and figured out there was a lot of offense to be had in the transitions game. This epiphany took my game to a new level at that time. It’s difficult to be what you are not. It takes practice and requires that your ego be checked at the door. You will spend some time being successful but you will spend your fair share of time being frustrated as well. Anyone looking to progress should be ready for and accustomed to this.
HAVE PATIENCE
This is one of the most important variables when determining progress or not. It’s very simple; the one with patience will succeed (read: progress), the one without it will quit. BJJ is a humbling sport especially for people who are used to doing things a few times and being successful at it. Progress without patience is an exercise in futility. All successful BJJ practitioners will tell you that you have to take the highs with the lows. My preferred method is to ride the highs for as long as I can milking the success for as long as possible. For instance, if I am on a high, I will pull out new stuff and experiment looking for the next thing I want to add to my tool box. During the lows, I hunker down and do more problem solving. For instance, if my side control escapes aren’t working like they used to, I go back to Day 1 basics, reassess how I’m moving, examine if the timing is right and determine what path to go down to correct the problem. I also look for systemic issues in my game. If my side control escapes are not working, it also means my guard is getting passed (which happens to be the root cause)…I take time and re-examine how to work my guard as well. I may experiment less during a low but the end result is the same. I usually come away with a fresh perspective which adds up to progress for me.
PAY ATTENTION TO DETAIL
This is another big one. I don’t think I’ll spend a lot of time on this. The guys who get better quick have a better grasp of the minute details. If you are having trouble with remembering details, refer back to steps 2 and 3. They will help you get your details straight.
HAVE FUN
The aspect often overlooked in the never ending quest to progress in BJJ is how vital it is to everyone’s development that they have fun with training. If training ever became a chore to me, I would stop training for a while. Studies show that people learn more when they are having fun in their learning environment. I may have just made that up but I know this theory holds true for me. When I have been in fun, nurturing training environments, I showed the most growth. When was stuck in a less than ideal training situation, my progress began to stagnate. My rule of thumb is, “If I don’t leave with a smile, I am doing something wrong".
I could probably write out more bullet points but I already feel like I have bogged you down with a lot of words and my fingers are tired. Stop reading, go somewhere and train, and let me know if you leave feeling like this guy
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
On: How to Pray
Reverend Jean always says "The Universe will give you what you ask for tenfold". If you stop paying attention after that because you are so amped to ask the Universe for stuff to come back to you, you'll miss the second and most important part which is, "so be careful of what you ask for".
Seems like the good Rev brings some common sense to her sermons so why is it that I don't heed these words when I'm praying for all those things I want to come to me tenfold? Well, I had a conversation with a buddy of mine and he informed me right before I called him that he was talking to another buddy about how to pray.
His advice was simple. He broke it down for me in a few steps:
STEP 1: Be Very Specific
I tend to ask the Universe for the baseline needs. Case and point, right now, I need money so it makes perfectly good sense that I ask just for money (I guess to do with what I please but in all seriousness, I just want to get the bills right). He said I should ask for what I want and for what reasons I want it so that the Universe won't just give you one but not the other.
STEP 2: Don't Ask for Too Much
I will speak for myself in saying that I usually fall into the trap of asking for everything in one sitting as if I'm never gonna pray again. That's probably because I don't pray enough. I feel like I have to get it all in. He said the Universe will only respond to what you ask for sincerely, so coming to it with a Christmas list of needs or desires will only muddy the waters. Fair enough. At this point I was beginning to get the picture.
STEP 3: Listen When the Universe Speaks
I know for a fact that I have a problem with this. For now I will blame my short attention span but I'm sure there are some clear and direct signs the Universe is putting down that I'm not picking up. I heard about this stuff called "meditation" that's supposed to do the trick. Apparently when you meditate, you allow yourself to become closer to the Universe; you allow yourself to hear the Universe speaking to you; you awaken to what you really need to see or understand. This is where I'll blame my short attention span...whenever I set my mind to meditate, after about a minute or so, I begin to see Dave Chappelle dancing with goat legs replacing his regular limbs. I'm certain this is not what the Universe is trying to tell me.
Finally, he said its better to pray for the Universe to enact a change in you rather than a change in your circumstances. He finished by reinforcing the point that you (generically) can have what you ask for but that the vehicle for whatever change you desire is you.
I'm going to put these words into action to see what comes of it. I ask that ya'll pray for me but remember the rules above.
Seems like the good Rev brings some common sense to her sermons so why is it that I don't heed these words when I'm praying for all those things I want to come to me tenfold? Well, I had a conversation with a buddy of mine and he informed me right before I called him that he was talking to another buddy about how to pray.
His advice was simple. He broke it down for me in a few steps:
STEP 1: Be Very Specific
I tend to ask the Universe for the baseline needs. Case and point, right now, I need money so it makes perfectly good sense that I ask just for money (I guess to do with what I please but in all seriousness, I just want to get the bills right). He said I should ask for what I want and for what reasons I want it so that the Universe won't just give you one but not the other.
STEP 2: Don't Ask for Too Much
I will speak for myself in saying that I usually fall into the trap of asking for everything in one sitting as if I'm never gonna pray again. That's probably because I don't pray enough. I feel like I have to get it all in. He said the Universe will only respond to what you ask for sincerely, so coming to it with a Christmas list of needs or desires will only muddy the waters. Fair enough. At this point I was beginning to get the picture.
STEP 3: Listen When the Universe Speaks
I know for a fact that I have a problem with this. For now I will blame my short attention span but I'm sure there are some clear and direct signs the Universe is putting down that I'm not picking up. I heard about this stuff called "meditation" that's supposed to do the trick. Apparently when you meditate, you allow yourself to become closer to the Universe; you allow yourself to hear the Universe speaking to you; you awaken to what you really need to see or understand. This is where I'll blame my short attention span...whenever I set my mind to meditate, after about a minute or so, I begin to see Dave Chappelle dancing with goat legs replacing his regular limbs. I'm certain this is not what the Universe is trying to tell me.
Finally, he said its better to pray for the Universe to enact a change in you rather than a change in your circumstances. He finished by reinforcing the point that you (generically) can have what you ask for but that the vehicle for whatever change you desire is you.
I'm going to put these words into action to see what comes of it. I ask that ya'll pray for me but remember the rules above.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Swagger...
Some people have it...
Some people don't...
Some people talk about it ad nauseum but really don't understand it...
Some people live it...
and then some...
Post over.
Some people don't...
Some people talk about it ad nauseum but really don't understand it...
Some people live it...
and then some...
Post over.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
What to Do When There's No More Fight Left in You?
For me and people wired like me, the answer is...KEEP ON FIGHTING.
This lesson was made ever more clear in the months leading up to the 2011 IBJJF Pan Am Championships when our coach put the team through what we called "Death Workouts". These workouts consisted of 30-40 minutes of BJJ related drills back to back and in rapid succession and usually involved some type of running or calisthenic component prior to completing the drills followed by 30-40 minutes of live sparring with no breaks, no water, no nothing...except maybe death. And if you weren't dead (a fate none of us met thankfully) you certainly wished for a second that you could just stop feeling for a moment and the pain would be lifted from your body (or your mind depending on which tenet you ascribe to).
So now when faced with a real world situation where I am in the fight of my life, I am thankful I am conditioned to keep fighting. Had I not endured those months of what seemed like torture, I would not have the resolve to keep getting up despite being knocked on my ass of the umpteenth time. I would have quit. I wouldn't be here still fighting today. I don't have the comfort of the mats or the shared experience of my teammates now. I have to deal with these matters alone, without the comforts of the gym to console me, wipe off my tears or supply a soft place to land. There's just me and my opponent...one of us will be vanquished when its all said and done
The theme of today seems to be gratitude. In lieu of the Thanksgiving Holiday and all the talk of thanks over it, what I missed was gratitude for little things like being above ground, being given the opportunity to be a better me than the me who woke up this morning. I can't forget these little things as I trudge along through my life settling differences with the Universe on what now seems like a daily basis.
What I have come to learn is the Universe has a strong side control, is deadly with collar chokes and might knock you into next week if you're not paying attention.
This lesson was made ever more clear in the months leading up to the 2011 IBJJF Pan Am Championships when our coach put the team through what we called "Death Workouts". These workouts consisted of 30-40 minutes of BJJ related drills back to back and in rapid succession and usually involved some type of running or calisthenic component prior to completing the drills followed by 30-40 minutes of live sparring with no breaks, no water, no nothing...except maybe death. And if you weren't dead (a fate none of us met thankfully) you certainly wished for a second that you could just stop feeling for a moment and the pain would be lifted from your body (or your mind depending on which tenet you ascribe to).
So now when faced with a real world situation where I am in the fight of my life, I am thankful I am conditioned to keep fighting. Had I not endured those months of what seemed like torture, I would not have the resolve to keep getting up despite being knocked on my ass of the umpteenth time. I would have quit. I wouldn't be here still fighting today. I don't have the comfort of the mats or the shared experience of my teammates now. I have to deal with these matters alone, without the comforts of the gym to console me, wipe off my tears or supply a soft place to land. There's just me and my opponent...one of us will be vanquished when its all said and done
The theme of today seems to be gratitude. In lieu of the Thanksgiving Holiday and all the talk of thanks over it, what I missed was gratitude for little things like being above ground, being given the opportunity to be a better me than the me who woke up this morning. I can't forget these little things as I trudge along through my life settling differences with the Universe on what now seems like a daily basis.
What I have come to learn is the Universe has a strong side control, is deadly with collar chokes and might knock you into next week if you're not paying attention.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
I Got Windmills, Yo
Not these windmills...
these windmills
I don't know why but for some time now, I have had windmills on my mind. This may also have something to do with my unyielding desire to improve at arm balances. Ya'll might not know this about me but when I was I child (circa '84 -'86) I was quite the little breakdancer. I earned the handle L-boogie (yes, Lauren stole it from me) from my crew. We never set out to be the best dance crew but we'd break for hours in the park and in each others homes, then break bread with each others families, then go back out to the park to play until the street lights came on.
I don't have many recollections of the battles themselves but I do remember just how liberating it was to do a windmill for 30 seconds, FREEZE and wait for the crowd to say, "OOOOH". The adult in me realizes this might be bad for my shoulders, hips and surgically repaired back but the little kid in me remembers the freedom well enough to know that no amount of pain could replace the feeling of invincibility once you hit that freeze and ditty bopped back to your crew knowing you served that other kid.
Here are two arm balances I am working on:
Once I get these looking good enough, I will post photos and submit them to Yoga Journal
“It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance. It is the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance. It is the one who won't be taken who cannot seem to give. And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.” -Bette Midler
these windmills
I don't know why but for some time now, I have had windmills on my mind. This may also have something to do with my unyielding desire to improve at arm balances. Ya'll might not know this about me but when I was I child (circa '84 -'86) I was quite the little breakdancer. I earned the handle L-boogie (yes, Lauren stole it from me) from my crew. We never set out to be the best dance crew but we'd break for hours in the park and in each others homes, then break bread with each others families, then go back out to the park to play until the street lights came on.
I don't have many recollections of the battles themselves but I do remember just how liberating it was to do a windmill for 30 seconds, FREEZE and wait for the crowd to say, "OOOOH". The adult in me realizes this might be bad for my shoulders, hips and surgically repaired back but the little kid in me remembers the freedom well enough to know that no amount of pain could replace the feeling of invincibility once you hit that freeze and ditty bopped back to your crew knowing you served that other kid.
Here are two arm balances I am working on:
Once I get these looking good enough, I will post photos and submit them to Yoga Journal
“It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance. It is the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance. It is the one who won't be taken who cannot seem to give. And the soul afraid of dying that never learns to live.” -Bette Midler
Friday, November 25, 2011
Anxiety...And Other Drugs
“Anxiety and desire are two, often conflicting, orientations to the unknown. Both are tilted toward the future. Desire implies a willingness, or a need, to engage this unknown, while anxiety suggests a fear of it. Desire takes one out of oneself, into the possibility or relationship, but it also takes one deeper into oneself. Anxiety turns one back on oneself, but only onto the self that is already known.” - Marc Epstein
This is probably a topic I could go on ad nausea about but I'm not doing that tonight. I just want to introduce anxiety as one of my emotional reasons for starting both BJJ and yoga.
For me, anxiety is that friend you invite to come stay at your house for an extended period of time. In the beginning, everything is fine...you don't even realize anxiety is there because he's following all your rules and being very respectful of your property. As time goes on, you start to see small violations but they go overlooked because to you, "its not that serious". Pretty soon, if left unchecked, anxiety has rung up a 600 dollar phone bill from calling Ms. Cleo and the Party Line, stolen your girlfriend, eaten all the damn Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and despite all your good nature, refuses to leave.
That is about a close a picture I can paint without getting too specific about what happened to me but what I will say is that somewhere along the line, I lost myself and became anxiety's bitch. I can cite several reasons why I started BJJ and most of them dealt with the athletic, competitive side of me. I would tell everyone that I wanted to push myself to my limits, tap into my competitive spirit, become a world champion but not once did I admit I really wanted to let go of my crippling fear of being controlled and saw BJJ as that opportunity.
To this point in my life, I only engaged in team sports so I found ways to blend in and do what my team needed me to do to be successful (as a team). I never stood out as a superior athlete and never wanted too. Even then, I think I was fearful of what it meant to excel and succeed beyond my own imagination. I realize now that was a trap anxiety set for me and I fell in head first. When I woke up I realized I needed to do something...something drastic that would challenge me physically, emotionally and spiritually...something that would extend my boundaries beyond recognition...something that put me up close and personal with my greatest fears. Once and for all, I had to prove to myself just what I was capable of on my own.
I'm not 100% sure how BJJ became the tool to find myself. At first I endured many months of frustration followed by just enough growth to keep coming back followed by more frustration. This pattern kept going on for a while but what I slowly came to realize was my confidence grew, my perception of self improved and my guard came down. I made friends...people I chose to invite into my circle. To that point I was only good at putting up barriers and daring people to jump over them for me. This was the much needed breakthrough I was looking for.
TO BE CONTINUED…
This is probably a topic I could go on ad nausea about but I'm not doing that tonight. I just want to introduce anxiety as one of my emotional reasons for starting both BJJ and yoga.
For me, anxiety is that friend you invite to come stay at your house for an extended period of time. In the beginning, everything is fine...you don't even realize anxiety is there because he's following all your rules and being very respectful of your property. As time goes on, you start to see small violations but they go overlooked because to you, "its not that serious". Pretty soon, if left unchecked, anxiety has rung up a 600 dollar phone bill from calling Ms. Cleo and the Party Line, stolen your girlfriend, eaten all the damn Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and despite all your good nature, refuses to leave.
That is about a close a picture I can paint without getting too specific about what happened to me but what I will say is that somewhere along the line, I lost myself and became anxiety's bitch. I can cite several reasons why I started BJJ and most of them dealt with the athletic, competitive side of me. I would tell everyone that I wanted to push myself to my limits, tap into my competitive spirit, become a world champion but not once did I admit I really wanted to let go of my crippling fear of being controlled and saw BJJ as that opportunity.
To this point in my life, I only engaged in team sports so I found ways to blend in and do what my team needed me to do to be successful (as a team). I never stood out as a superior athlete and never wanted too. Even then, I think I was fearful of what it meant to excel and succeed beyond my own imagination. I realize now that was a trap anxiety set for me and I fell in head first. When I woke up I realized I needed to do something...something drastic that would challenge me physically, emotionally and spiritually...something that would extend my boundaries beyond recognition...something that put me up close and personal with my greatest fears. Once and for all, I had to prove to myself just what I was capable of on my own.
I'm not 100% sure how BJJ became the tool to find myself. At first I endured many months of frustration followed by just enough growth to keep coming back followed by more frustration. This pattern kept going on for a while but what I slowly came to realize was my confidence grew, my perception of self improved and my guard came down. I made friends...people I chose to invite into my circle. To that point I was only good at putting up barriers and daring people to jump over them for me. This was the much needed breakthrough I was looking for.
TO BE CONTINUED…
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